Book jokes
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.
I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray.
One, two
It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.
What is a Christian's favorite social networking site?
Faithbook!
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."