Book jokes

A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

The Fast of Ramadan

In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.

For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?

Absolutely nothing.

I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

It’s impossible to put down.

Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?

It's about time!

Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?

They wanted some chocolate balls.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?

50 Cents of Gray.

Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.