Book jokes
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray.
One, two
It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.
In the morning at 6:30 AM,
Teacher: Who fought in World War I?
Me: Trump & Biden.
Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.
After school,
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.
"She looks at her clock."
Teacher: And now I am sewed.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.