Book jokes

Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

Once I read a book about glue.

I couldn't put it down.

What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?

Hairy Potter.

Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.

Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.

What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.

Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.

The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.

Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.

My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?

Because he was too loud with his FLOW.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.

My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"