Book jokes
Make him read a book.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?
Panera Read.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?
Because it couldn't count the bars!
I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
I bought a book for my blind friend.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
What is a Christian's favorite social networking site?
Faithbook!
I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
What do planets like to read? Comet books!