Book jokes

What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?

Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

What do you call gay men receiving anonymous blowjobs at the glory holes inside an adult bookstore?

Norwegian massage.

Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?

Because he was too loud with his FLOW.

Once I read a book about glue.

I couldn't put it down.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?

Hairy Potter.

My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.