Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?
So they can reach the top of the desk.
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.
What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.
Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.
The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.
Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.
She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
Once I read a book about glue.
I couldn't put it down.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.
I just bought a book about lamps...
So I can do some light reading over the weekend.
What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?
"Wow, Harry!"
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
