Body jokes

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Vagina jokes aren't funny.

Most of the time.

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.

What is different about priests and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

Why did the bum get a slap?

Because it was being too cheeky.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

I would tell a scoliosis joke.

But that would be completely out of line.

what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.

What is red and looks like a zebra?

My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well, he’s all right now!

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.