Body jokes

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!

Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.

Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.

He didn't get the job.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?

Because its head is so far away from its body.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Where did Amy go after the explosion?

Everywhere.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

Big penis.

Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

What did the penis say to its pee?

"Urine."

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

Sydney has a fat pair of spammy flaps that smell of fish 🎣.