Body jokes

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!

Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.

Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.

He didn't get the job.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?

Because its head is so far away from its body.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Big penis.

Where did Amy go after the explosion?

Everywhere.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

What did the penis say to its pee?

"Urine."

Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

Q: What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? A: A tromBONE.