If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone đ
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Whatâs the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when youâre done eating.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
Itâs really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldnât close his casket.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
