What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
I make science puns, but only periodically.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
What did the step brother and step sister do together? OOOF MITOSIS
David? Mitosis.
What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww Mitosis!
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
