Belief jokes
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
"Amen, "Amen," "Amen."
Hail Satan.
............
Oh, sorry. I forgot which religion I was pretending to respect.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.
Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!