Belief jokes
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they actually have a father there.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?