Belief jokes
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Yo mama so fat even God could not lift her spirits.
The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free...
Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.
Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Science flew us to the moon.
Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.