Belief jokes
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
Flat Earthers
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
Science flies you to the moon.
Religion flies you into towers.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into 2 skyscrapers.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.