Belief jokes

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.

Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.

Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.

Religion crashes them.

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.

How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?

It's only got 10 hours to live.

Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?

Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.

Do you know where priests go at night?

To all night sale at Boys R Us.

Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.

Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."

If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!

If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?

That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.