Being jokes

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?

Others: R.

Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?

A to-go order.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.

The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.

"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

So they can be wanted for once.

This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.