Being jokes
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
Why did the orphan become a criminal? It wants to be wanted.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.