Being jokes
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
You're so fat, when you went on the scale it said "to be continued."
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
Why do trans women go by she/her?
Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.
Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.