Being jokes

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

You're so fat that you're gonna be my next hamburger for dinner and the next In-N-Out, just like your parents.

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?

A surprise adoption!!

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

Wife is texting husband:

"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

Husband: "seilghsielguG"

Wife: "Seriously, David?"

Husband: "fuweyadb"

Why do orphans play GTA? Because they can’t be wanted.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.

I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

I know, it's an awful joke.

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

What is the best thing about being an orphan?

All bags of chips are family-sized!

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"