Behavior jokes
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.
Why did the emo kid cross the road? To get a box of tissues!
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
Trevor is a bitch.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
I'm autistic.
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
Why are french fries rude?
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*