Behavior jokes

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Why did the emo person cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Haha.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!