I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
Itβs been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Iβd make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
