Behavior jokes

As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.

Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).

P.S. I have no friends.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

What do you call an entitled woman? A Karen.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.