Behavior jokes

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Why did the emo person cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Haha.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.