Behavior jokes
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
Does it cycle now? 🚲
Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.
Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏
Comedian: WTF bros!
Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?
The annoying orange told the annoying, insecure, beta bitch orange that he wants to be the most annoying thing on Earth again.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
A girl had black hair. Also, I threw rubbish at her to realize she wasn't a bin.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
SHUT UP EVERYBODY!
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
Why do kids like bananas?
'Cause they like doing the nana.
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
Imagine everyone being hoes.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
Don't make a person look a fool when you are the real one!
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.