Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
Why do men say funny things? Just to be silly!
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
The date is April 1st.
Somebody asks you what you are doing.
βI guess you could say Iβm... fooling around ( β§β ΝΚβ)β
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
Tenzin is a sublime charlatan.
- Harib 2019
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
Whenever Iβm bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? ππ
