Behavior jokes
"I love all mankind!" said the cannibal.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
What is a cannibal's favorite place to go? An orphanage. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.