Bed jokes

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.

Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.