Bathroom jokes

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?

Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.

Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

PERSON: I need to go so bad! TOILET: Long time no pee!!!

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.

Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because he got stuck in a crack.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”