Diarrhea.
Bathroom Jokes
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.
Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.
Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!
I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
Why does Helen Keller look in the toilet after taking a poop?
Nobody knows!
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.
So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.
What do girls and toilet roll have in common?
They both deal with a lot of crap.
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for "poo."
Hey guys, I use toilet paper.
Knock knock. Who is there? Poo. Poo who? Hey, I need ta go poooooooooooop!
Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?
It's between cheeks at the moment.
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
When Sara gets naked in the shower, she turns her taps on :)
