Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.
so, Stephen Hawking walked into a bar- oh, wait a minute!!!! rewind!! so, Stephen Hawking rolled into a bar......
An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop some HOT BARS
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some BARS on the other side.
What’s a rapper’s favorite exercise?
Heavy bars.
Stephanie
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
