Bar jokes
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
Chuck Norris doesn't need protein bars. He just eats his own shit.
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"
What is 6 inches and has nuts?
A Snickers bar.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
A guy walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair.
The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?
(Doesn't have boss bar.)
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.