Back jokes
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?
Her dad always comes back.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they actually come back.
I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
Why did the orphan scream "wolf"? Because people actually came back.
Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.
Your hairline goes so far back that Crown Burger was Crown Sandwiches.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
Can we go back to 2001?
I bet it was more fun back then.
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.