Baby

Baby Jokes

OnlyFans

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

Sex

*having sex on lexapro*

Her: Cum for me, baby!

Me: I'm trying!

Cat

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Parent

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

Corner

What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.

Song

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

Trampoline

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on one.

Crib

What do you call a baby in the crib?

Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.

Kid

What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?

Joshua Metcalfe

Bullet

What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"

Abortion

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

Prom

I'm just a prom night dumpster baby I got no mam or dad. Prom night dumpster baby My story isn't long, but boy, it's awfully sad. Although I came from a hole (Although I came from a hole) I'm singin' right from the soul (I'm singin' right from the soul)

My fanny needs a blanket And somebody to spank it I miss my mam But she's at the prom So I'm prom night dumpster baby Prom night dumpster baby

And I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) Hahaha, I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll)

Church

Ok, here's a story about the church.

There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.