Baby jokes
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
Why do cows have babies?
They moo-ved together.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.