Baby jokes

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

Take your foot off its head.

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.

Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...

Now from the top, make it drop, that's a WAP, that's a WAP.

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.

How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?

You rock-it!

Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?

His family was blown up by meteors.

What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?

A face full of sperm.

What is not the definition of prostitution?

A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?

What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?

Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.

Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.

Scroll down for explanation.

Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.

What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.

How are babies and watermelons similar?

They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.

My son.

How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?

God fucked her.

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

*having sex on lexapro*

Her: Cum for me, baby!

Me: I'm trying!

What day is Labor Day?

It's the day mommies have their babies.

Lucas is a baby, a little girl, ooo!