Baby jokes
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."