Baby jokes

What's small, brown and crispy?

A baby in an oven.

What is red, white, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten!

How many babies does it take to make dinner?

Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.

What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?

Put the diapers back on.

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...

What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.