Baby jokes
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."