Ass jokes

What does Marine stand for?

My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

I eat ass.

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

What is the similarity between women and freezers?

We like to put our meat in them.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Ass.

We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.

I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.

What do you call a nasty ass boy?

Sam Caithness.

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi.