Ass jokes

What did one ass cheek say to the other?

"Blimey, what's that smell coming from the corridor?"

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

Rot in hell?

More like nasty-ass thot in a well.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Knock knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana kick your a**!

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?

Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

Wanna hear a joke? You thick.

Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"

A: So they can look at their a**.

You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.

Me: What are you?

Jake: A muddeasso.

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