Ass Jokes

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

Even the Twin Towers got a better upgrade than your ugly ass.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?

"Under The Sea!!!!! Under The Sea!!!" - The Little Mermaid

Get it ;) Dead ass motherfucker.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on your ass!

TONIGHT

FOR FUN

YEAH YEAH YEAH

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

A yellow minion with one eye and blue overalls stands on the left. To the right, there is a text that begins: "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." and continues with a long, aggressive monologue.

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

What did one ass cheek say to the other?

"Blimey, what's that smell coming from the corridor?"

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!

Rot in hell?

More like nasty-ass thot in a well.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

Knock knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana kick your a**!

Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.