Ass jokes
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
Even the Twin Towers got a better upgrade than your ugly ass.
What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?
"Under The Sea!!!!! Under The Sea!!!" - The Little Mermaid
Get it ;) Dead ass motherfucker.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Memes
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on your ass!
TONIGHT
FOR FUN
YEAH YEAH YEAH
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
What did one ass cheek say to the other?
"Blimey, what's that smell coming from the corridor?"
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
Rot in hell?
More like nasty-ass thot in a well.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
Knock knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana kick your a**!
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!
Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?
Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!
Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!
Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???
Me: Yea
So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.