Asked jokes

The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"

The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

I asked a emo kid if they wanna hang out.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.