Appliance jokes

What's white and can't climb a tree?

A refrigerator.

Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.

What do orphans and TVs have in common?

At least one of them has a home.

What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

The baby is a cherry smoothie.

Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?

The fridge actually runs.

What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

My dishwasher is broke.

Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?

He was dressing.

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

What is red, white, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.