How do you make a dishwasher work again? Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
What’s the difference between God and Hitler? God made thousands Of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast
What is red and cries and spins around and around? - A baby in a microwave.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
What do orphans and tvs have in common? At least one of them have a home
what happens when you put a baby in a blender
The baby is a cherry smoothie
I sold my vacuum the other day. All I got was dust and my moms wig
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl? The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhoea when you pull your meat out
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!Lol
The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawkins and a refrigerator
-the fridge actually runs
Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone
What's Red,Green and goes 90 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.
