The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
Why did the fridge have lots of friends?
Cause it was COOL.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator won’t fart when you pull the meat out.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
