Appliance jokes
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)