Appliance jokes
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
Did you hear about Fridgetair
Kelvinator?
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!
What did the blender say to the orange juice?
"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."
What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
What do you call a redhead in a fridge?
I'm pretty sure her name was Kelly.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!
Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?
He was dressing.
My dishwasher is broke.
Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-
My buddies think I'm on the lake.
Boss thinks I've been sick for days.
And mama's probably on her way
'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.
I've been a million places,
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Took a trip down memory lane.
Checked into hotel heartbreak.
Passed rock bottom on the way
Without leaving my living room.
I've been a million places
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Yeah
I've been gone.
All the clothes are on the floor
All the mail's by the door
All the whiskey bottles in my bed.
All the dishes in the sink
All the gas is in the tank
All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
Gone