Home Appliance jokes

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The location of the Dirtbag.

We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?

The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

Where do orphans shop for home appliances?

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

True story.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Microwave.

Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.