Appearance jokes

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.

Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.