Appearance jokes

Me: Imagine not having hair.

Kids: On chemo.

Bitch the fuck.

Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.

Yo mama so ugly Joe Biden was jelly.

Hey, Mom, I am ugly.

"Facts," my mom says.

Your butt is so fat, I can remove 90% of beauty with a tissue.

You look as fat as a pig.

An old man goes to church.

One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand, he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."

The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again, he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."

You're do annoying like your fucked up hairline.

Your hairline [is] so bad, we needed to pull it from another universe.

Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and I feel better.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white?

Michael Jackson.

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!

Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.

I'm bald.