Appearance jokes

What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?

Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.

Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

There are people weirder looking than me.

Like who?

Like people with Down syndrome.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

Your hairline is so far back that it looks like Putin's tanks steamrolled through.

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.

Like if you like porn.

How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?

Bro, you can't be talking. You built like Barney the dinosaur. Barney is a dinosaur with dinosaur sensation.