Appearance jokes

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.

Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.

Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.

Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.

When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.

One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”

Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath.

Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?

Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.

Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

There are people weirder looking than me.

Like who?

Like people with Down syndrome.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.