Appearance

Appearance Jokes

Boob

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

Butt

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

People

There are people weirder looking than me.

Like who?

Like people with Down syndrome.

Ass

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

Face

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

Genie

This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

Virgin

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

Hairline

Your hairline is so far back that it looks like Putin's tanks steamrolled through.

Kid

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Nut

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

Teeth

Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.

Like if you like porn.

Barney

Bro, you can't be talking. You built like Barney the dinosaur. Barney is a dinosaur with dinosaur sensation.

Heart

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Face

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.