Appearance

Appearance Jokes

Man

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

Donald Trump

Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....

Johnny Depp

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

Hairline

I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.

Girl

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

Wish

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

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  • Bathroom scale

    A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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  • Chest

    Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?

    Mama

    Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

    Yo mama

    Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

    Hairline

    I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.

    Hairline

    Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.