ANS jokes
Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
What movie does an orphan hate?
"Spider-Man: Far From Home."
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.