ANS jokes
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
What is the difference between Putin and an onion?
Nobody cries because of a cut Putin.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
What's an emo's favorite food?
Shot gun ammo.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple has a family tree.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Kids turn them on.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
Why can't an orphan roleplay? Because they don't have parents.
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?
Fuller House.
What do you call an emo friend group?
The Suicide Squad.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.