Animal jokes

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"

What did the grape say when the fox stepped on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What is a cow that's good at math good for?

Meat pie.

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

How do rabbits travel?

By hareplane.

What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂

Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?

You'll get jur ass kicked.

Why did the chickens cross the road?

To get to KFC.

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

WOULD YOU RATHER:

Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?

or

Drink a gallon of sperm?

What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

What did the frog do when his car broke down?

It was toad.

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joe: Why?

Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.

Jimmy: Knock knock.

Joe: Who’s there?

Jimmy: It’s the chicken.

Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.