Animal jokes
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
Why did the squirrel swim on his back?
To keep his nuts dry.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
What type of cartoon do spiders like to watch the most?
Web Cartoons!
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
RIP Harambe.
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
What kind of udder likes McDonald's?
Udderly unhealthy.
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled egg.
The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.
When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.