Animal jokes
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Nothing, they can't talk.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toed.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
Memes
When you overslept and can't find Noah
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.