What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
Animal Jokes
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
What do you call a blind German shepherd?
A Nazi.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
