Animal jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the other side.

What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled egg.

What kind of udder likes McDonald's?

Udderly unhealthy.

News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^

Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joe: Why?

Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.

Jimmy: Knock knock.

Joe: Who’s there?

Jimmy: It’s the chicken.

How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.

What did the frog do when his car broke down?

It was toad.

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

What did the grape say when the fox stepped on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What is a cow that's good at math good for?

Meat pie.

How do rabbits travel?

By hareplane.

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.