Animal jokes
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I brought a cow and named him Mayo.
Mayo Neighs!
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
Why don't bald eagles brush their teeth? Because they don't have teeth! xD
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Answer: Elephino.
What did Ahsan do?
Meow meow.
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."