Animal jokes
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes, houses can't jump at all.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
Why was the dog staying in the shade?
Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"