Animal jokes
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.
Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
Yo mama so hairy that the zookeepers called a code red thinking an ape got loose.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.