Animal jokes
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
What do you call a girl furry?
A pussy cat.
What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
Memes
Online working be like:
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.
Spread the cat gun.
What do you call a united cow? A united steaks! 🤣🤣🤣
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?
What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!
The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.
When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.
How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.
Q. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A. Because it has a silent pee.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?
Ape Suzettes.
What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.