Animal jokes
Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
What do bats like to eat?
Bloodsuckers! 🩸🍭😂
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.