Animal jokes
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes, houses can't jump at all.
Memes
When you overslept and can't find Noah
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
What do you call a blind German shepherd?
A Nazi.
Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.