Animal jokes
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Memes
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
Why didn't the rooster cross the road?
Because he was a chicken!
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled egg.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
What type of cartoon do spiders like to watch the most?
Web Cartoons!