Animal jokes
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
What is the strongest creature in the sea?
A mussel!
What do cows call money?
Moola.
What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.