Animal jokes
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What do bats like to eat?
Bloodsuckers! 🩸🍭😂
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"