Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Head look like a mf gorilla pop.
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
What did the bull tell his son before it went for college? Bye-son.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person: Why?
Me: Because he wanted to.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.