Animal jokes
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!