Animal jokes
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Why did the koala climb the tree?
To get to the other branch. :)
He made it, don't worry!
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What goes white, black, white, black, red?
A zebra falling down the stairs.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?
Because he cheated at everything!