Animal jokes
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.