Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
Animal Jokes
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Mole
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
A baby seal walked into a club.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Why do lions π¦ go to SUBWAY π₯ͺ?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. π
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
Iβm a butcher.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
