Animal jokes

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

How did the cheetah greet other animals?

Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."

What’s a sheep’s favorite song?

"Baby Don’t Herd Me."

You know I want an ADHD cure.

When?

Squirrel!

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin' off.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

A baby seal walked into a club.

Me: So you two girls are from England?

Girls: Wales.

Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.

Mole

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

Animal jokes, eh?

Toucan play at that game.

What do you call a violent fish?

A smackeral!

Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?

Because they like to EAT FLESH.

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.