Animal jokes
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
Memes
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
A seal walks into a club.
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"